Uncreated Mind : Buddhist Inner Sciences – Ep. 20

Speaker 0 00:00:00 Welcome to my Bob Thurman podcast. I'm so grateful. Some good friends enabled me to present them to you. If you enjoy them and find them useful, please think of becoming a member of Tibet house us to help preserve Tibetan culture. Tibet house is the Dal Lamas cultural center in America. All best wishes. Have a great day. Speaker 1 00:00:27 This is episode number 20, titled the uncreate mind. Speaker 2 00:00:36 Okay. Now you all know about the, for noble truths, right? Everybody knows the for noble truths. I, you know them right away, but do you, you know something, how many of them are ultimate reality and how many of them are relative reality? Do you know that? No. Cause you non to understand non reality, you have to understand duality, right? And there are different kinds of dualities and the four noble truths. So you all know that, right? So can you recite or you didn't hold up your hand. You did not. Okay. I'm sorry. So that's, you know, the truth of suffering noble truth. It's a noble truth of suffering because it means that ordinary people is not true. Everything is suffering. Ordinary. People think this is fine. They have a saying, they say that an ordinary person and the opposite of a, of a noble person is a self-centered person. Speaker 2 00:01:32 Literally a talk one who sees everything only from their own point of view, that's called there's an <inaudible> mean someone who sees everything hit. So that's the opposite of a noble person. They're always only embracing their own point of view, the ordinary person and that person when there, nobody else is bugging, but then they're not suffering <laugh> and they say, it's like a grain of sand experience. It's like a grain of sand. And the ordinary person is like a grain of sand on the Palm of your hand. Doesn't really irritate you very much. Whereas a noble person, it's like a, a great understanding in your eye. So therefore it's true that the ordinary world is experienced very sensitively by a noble person. And they see it as suffering. Meaning that meaning that this were accepted, nothing works very well. Plumbing always breaks. You know, we die, we get sick, we grow. Speaker 2 00:02:37 It never quite works. Things like that. But the ordinary person did how it's working now is really. And, uh, so that's the first choose. But that, that is only true. That is a description of the symptom of unenlightened event. The poor Pope benit was upset about Buddhist and he wrote it, his book, well, he wrote it in Paul's book, John Paul book, but he wrote it because he was the grand IM prisoner at that time. And he said, the threshold of hope, that book, he said, how could anybody deal with Buddhist is so they're also miserable. And think only suffering is true. They should be happy because people who live in the ADE <laugh> and he was unhappy about Buddhi. But he doesn't understand that Buda only said it's suffering because it's possible for human beings to overcome it. And to be happy that, do you realize that if you ever hear people purported to teach Buddhism and say like, you've gotta accept ING. Speaker 2 00:03:49 Then you know, you might to take a break because the whole point is you don't have to accept suffering. That's the point of bud as teaching is you don't have to accept it. It's a product of the unenlightened, meaning not knowing what you are and not knowing what the world is. If you don't know what you are, where you are, what the world who me, you know, then you'll suffer. But we know that it doesn't take a Budha to know that it's obvious, but nobody says that if they think that's the way it has to be the dilemma. One said he actually made the gesture. He said, if, if Buda thought there was no way, nothing else than suffering to inform people about it would be like someone who's in the prison for life and you going, yeah. Yeah. You'll never get out. And that isn't nice. Speaker 2 00:04:46 Right? So that's so the point is we shouldn't overdo about the suffering. We, we don't need another source of suffering. Since we, we are ply miserable all the time. <laugh> we feel okay. Miserable at a certain to a degree. Then we feel sort of safe. We can't, we're not gonna get more miserable data. We sort of like, well, okay, it's alright. <laugh> and we really, really happy. I'm happy, nervous, because we think so we're gonna get punished. Something's really happen. Gonna be terrible. It must be crazy. Anyway, second normal truth is the cause of that suffering, right? And, and that's why Buddhism is not primarily religion because the discovery of causation is not a religious discovery. It's a philosophical slash scientific discovery, right? When, when did one of the Buddha's first five disciples for the five or six told char PCHA, but Buddha taught when char PCHA press pressured him. Speaker 2 00:05:56 He said, he taught about whatever has a cause. What are the causes and how to interfere with the causes? That's what the great secret taught. That's he famous verse. So <inaudible> so those two truths, noble truths are relative reality or superficial reality, or actually loser reality. So in a sense they're unreal reality. Remember I asked you which truths or which, so those two are unreal reality, but they're still, they have some degree of reality, but they're unreal ultimately, right? Then the third little truth. What is it? Mary, come on that there is a, huh. There is a path. No, no, no. The third is of my best tutor. The third truth is Niana near honor, which means to be blown away, being blown out like you do. When you come back from a YouTube art concert, <laugh> to see how hell blown away, unfortunately, temporarily. Speaker 2 00:07:04 But that's exactly what blown out, blown out is the suffering is blown out. So that's the Buddhist discovery is near honor. That's why he was said, if you say, if you say unenlightened, if you don't know what's going on, you remain ignorant. You'll suffer. Then you should realize you, there's no way out of that suffering other than changing your ignorance into wisdom, coming to an understanding of your reality, which means wisdom doesn't mean, you know, seeing some far off place in the sky where you can run away to that's a wrong understanding of nearby wisdom means knowing what is the reality right here and now, okay. That's what wisdom means. And I'm not sure that wisdom really means that, you know, I know I was talking with ISA or GU ISA and, and she was, and we were talking about intuition and you know, different cognitive words for super understanding the word RI ARD is the same, no word, you know, in English. Speaker 2 00:08:16 Do you do, did you ever really think about why when you know something, you have to know it, you can't pronounce, you could know announced, you can know it right when you know it, you can know it. So yeah. Sunscreen is the same indoor European Rooter to know. And that ordinary knowing is something that you do that means with somehow your glasses in the top of your mouth, you know, you, it, in the back of your nose, something you do with your nose, you know, and, uh, because, and that means it connects language and being ordinary, knowing what you think is knowing, is having a name for something and, and attaching the name to it, labeling it and saying, oh, that's a window. I know. I clear that. So that's why I think it's a, it's a root that, yeah. It's like, it's a kind control thing. Speaker 2 00:09:12 You, but wisdom is what we translated in these things, as wisdom is PR yeah. PR is super something like intense. So PR means super knowing. So it's a, it is a, there's still a yeah. In there, but it's going beyond itself actually. And transcendent, knowing probably not proud to be proud, liberating what it's going transcendent knowing. And that's a knowing that goes beyond the control kind of knowing it's a knowing where you become what you know, you know, you know it without, by kind of merging with object. So it's a non-dual subject object merging. Shall we wait for you to come back? Oh, sorry. Oh, that's having a baby. It's okay. Speaker 2 00:10:09 So everything comes up. What? She's a dual. Yes. So, so the, so that's that's so that's, that's, that's super, super. No. So that's the third, no truth. Then the fourth, no truth is what Mary said. The path tool. The third, no truth. Two is, are your own truth. So it's, it's like a medical diagnosis. It's not a religious even truth. You don't need to use the word truth such that can be reality. It can be fact for facts, things that are factual for a noble person, non factual for an ordinary person. And, and, uh, like a doctor, you know? Oh yeah, okay. There's suffering. There's a cause of it. The symptom has a cause and we analyze and make a diagnosis. And then prognosis is good. Niana is waiting for you. You can achieve freedom from that suffering. And then there's a therapy. And that's an educational process that involves educating yourself ethically, educating yourself psychologically and educating yourself intellectually and scientifically actually. Speaker 2 00:11:17 And what, and this is, this is the great thing about put us discovery. This is his good news, but his good news is that reality of those four truths. The only one that's really true is the third one to answer my own original question. That is to say reality is the IANA. The path is even a little unreal, but it's a good unreal that helps get rid of the bad reality. So you can discover the real reality. Do you follow me? But there, those are there. There are not totally unreal in the sense of take Don exist. It's like, you know, a movie when you watch a avatar, the movie I would prefer to live in Speaker 3 00:12:02 <laugh>. Speaker 2 00:12:04 If I had a tail and I was eight feet tall, would climb into trees and had to have tree. I could go merge with the tree AOI tree. Did anybody, does anybody here know the Y James Cameron called it? AWA? How thoughtful are you? I want test this test am what is AWA spell backwards. Spell Beck. Oh, oh. Was that movie, did anybody not see that movie? You're so lucky cuz you're gonna really love it. I mean, there's a little shooting in bombings. Typical boring American Pentagon sort of stuff, but it's so beautiful. Only, only one happy thing is CI, but nevermind. <laugh> so, so you have to find out what that means. But anyway, so that's unreal. There is no moon and Jupiter or where they go and they find, does anybody know the name of the element that the mining company was seeking there? Do you remember the names? Anybody you guys, what what's you called? Unium I couldn't hear Unium. Yes. Unium is what American culture. I don't call it civilization. What American culture is seeking by drilling the Arctic by whatever, you know, by electing Republicans, by, you know, by not impeaching the Supreme court for criminal irrationality, Speaker 2 00:14:07 Making corporations into persons. Yeah. Break. They don't need a drink of water. They're not persons. Nevermind. I shouldn't non-duality we're in non Speaker 3 00:14:22 <laugh> Speaker 2 00:14:23 So, so good. I thought, okay. Nirvana. So, so that's his good news is reality is Nirvana. That means the only real thing is BLIS freedom. So that means that that's what we all are. Speaker 2 00:14:42 You're all bliss. You know, Joseph Campbell famously said to bill Moyers, follow your BLIS only to have a new Yorker cartoon. 40 years later with a guy standing out in the suburb, somewhere with a tin cup. Only get out to get a quarter with a sign on his chest saying I followed my bliss, but you don't have to follow your BLIS because you are miss even new Yorker we're made of this. Why do you think there, Adam, the, the electrons should orbit around the nucleus and the nucleus. Somehow the hands out sticks to get there. And then this all gets clumped and glued together into like a, some plasma, a hand like a limb bones, veins, bloodstream, brains. Why does that all happen? Speaker 2 00:15:47 Enjoying? Yeah, they enjoy it. You, the cells like each other, they connect and the Atos are molecules. Do they're not just, you know, it's like weird materials have, like, they think they sell a pinball game, some kind of big pinball. And then they freak out when they couldn't tell it was a particle or a wave wave. Cause the wave sounds too bushy wash. You know, you can't hold onto it. And these guys are like, you know, they, they have the emotional play, these supposed scientists, MIT, you know what that is? You do you ever bill helm, right? The emotional play. Okay. Well the emotional play is a brilliant expression of my bill hill, right? The great Freud's greatest student, uh, who was arrested by all the people subsequently because he took that subconscious into the body, you know? And he said that the cultures, the militarized cultures of the planet is he lived in the 20th century, but we still stuck. Speaker 2 00:16:49 There are everybody has this emotional plague and what it is is the kind of their structure of their nervous system. So they can't feel their own inner bliss or they're organized to be emotionally constricted where they can't feel that what he called inner streamings and they, and when they led at someone else who was screaming, they felt threatened by that. And so they wanted to crucify that or arrest them or do something to them, you know, or, you know, that's why men want to put women in sex and hide them in the kitchen. Cause they're less emotionally tend, have list of emotional play. He didn't, he didn't add that 20th century. He didn't come to California. He escaped from men and Hitler. And, but he only came as far as mean he was a little chilly. Speaker 2 00:17:49 So, so, so because we, because we have that problem, the, but up, you know, that of, of having this emotional plague, having this structure where we deny our own BLIS and we afraid of it, actually, anybody who feels bliss, feels fear for it about they feel I'm gonna melt, you know? And so they quickly have a smoke or something. They don't, if they feel internal bliss or something's treating, they think something's wrong. They, they say, it's come. Actually they do. They burn people at the state in Europe, a long time in Massachusetts. So because of that Budha, let people think that that third, no truth was a different place, Nirvana that you could go to. And if you practic practice the path, you know, and you had a realistic worldview and motivation and ethic collection and livelihood and ethical speech and, uh, effort and mindfulness and, and meditation, some concentrated meditation that you would go to that different place and that you can call dualistic T. Speaker 2 00:19:06 And so that's sort of encouraging the person. Who's afraid of blitz that they can go find it somewhere else. If they be less unpleasant about their way they live. And they rec they clarify their mind, they educate themselves, they analyze and see through all kind of negative structures, that mental ideologies and things that keep them in prison. And then they get a motivation that they can find freedom. And then they behave nicely to others, not to disturb them. And to also let be, create a more calm vibration around themselves. And then they do mindfulness to become more free inside their own mind and observe their negative functions and isolate themselves from them. And then concentrate on that sense of freedom. And then they're hoping to disappear into near violent Inana. And this, we called dualistic Buddhism. I haven't forgotten the topic of talk completely that's dualistic Buddhism. Speaker 2 00:20:08 And that Tebo is that, that Tebo nowadays is that there is a kind of Tebo that isn't quite like that in the older days up until 1000 of the common era, almost all TETA people were also Mah people Teboda was the vow that they had in the monastic institution, which was the university, the low budget university, you know, the tuition free university, free lunch university. And, uh, and, uh, but, uh, but the division was much more expensive. It was non universal vehicle. Most of the people, but after 1000, when India was Buddhist, India was destroyed by invasion, said Sri Lanka, Thailand, and paramount. These places, they kicked out all their MI and they succumbed to the emotional play. And they decided these people who said, this is only man are dangerous. And we get back to where this is misery, the king has army and we are gonna stay uptight, but we are gonna escape to the IANA. <laugh> do you follow me? That's dualistic put us so non, but non-duality but that's the logical of course it's irrational. It's unscientific. Why, if Nirvana was simply another place, it's nothing. It cannot be absolutely. Or ultimate. Speaker 2 00:21:35 It would have a boundary that you'd have to cross to get to it. That would mean it would be a relational state. You would leave this state and go to that state. So it would be then something constructed by causation. It would not be the UN calls, the ungraded, the Al the reality that has always been here, UN unled and UN UN damaged, right. Logically would not be when Buda obtained alight in the suture where he talks about it, uh, himself, although there's sort, there are little bit different versions, but in the LA Vista Sutra, where bud tells his own biography, which, which is a marvelous, you know what it means a lot starts. They translate in funny ways, but it literally means the greatest show on earth stuck. Lot of that means a play, which can be also playful play, but also like a drama play. Speaker 2 00:22:38 And this time is magnificent or expensive. So the magnificent drama put us life, you know, because it, his whole life is teaching. Something like that. So what he said was Subhi torture do should co yet <laugh> that's translation, but cause I don't remember the sunscreen, but I could translate it back for you. But some she sub means deep or profound. She means peaceful. Shanty also means clear light. Although don't be misled by the translation clear line for <inaudible> clear light, you think it's a light, bright thing, but it isn't clear. Light is gray, but it's diamond gray. It's a, it's a kind of luminosity beyond dark and light beyond dark and white. It's there when you die. Or even when you fall asleep at night, according to Buddhist, inner scientists, but you don't notice it. You fall asleep usually unless you've developed a much more micro aware consciousness by meditating, carefully, thoughtfully, not just blanking your mind, but thoughtfully meditating. Speaker 2 00:24:03 When you fall asleep, you go through a luminescent moon lit sky space state. You go through a radiant sun lit sky space state, and you go through a dark lit, a brilliant black sky space state, which you think of as the final destination where you feel as if you go unconscious, the ordinarily ordinarily. In fact, you welcome that unconsciousness cuz you are dead tired after a long day, right? That nobody's afraid to pass out. In that context, on your pillow far from afraid, you're delight. Somebody called on the phone. Oh, you woke me up, right? So why are we so scared of dying? Speaker 2 00:24:51 You know? And that that's another story. <laugh> so actually the materials are so fanatic about their materialism that they want to not be scared of dying cuz they think that's the one time I'm gonna go to sleep and nobody's gonna wake me up. <laugh> they're hoping they know all of their experience that, you know, the poor materialists creep around and, and post retirement had left MIT. And he like there, he did cracked at him and make their bread and feel, and he doesn't know what the mind is. And he doesn't even know he has a mind he's sitting there and he wants to pass out. Perman because he's sick of tired, his RO body. If you can remember that he has one or she, and, but he's nervous because every time he's passed out for 70, 80 years, he gets woken up again. It is so irritating. The alarm goes off, the sun rises, the kids scream cars home. Speaker 2 00:26:04 So they've had the experience of never being able to stay unconscious because you agree, human beings are massively escapist. Why you think there's so many heroin addicts? Is that just cause they're stupid? It's because people are sensitive about pain and suffering and they hope to escape people coming suicide. Thinking if they're materials thinking they're going to be stay asleep, <affirmative> they do. They say just grip my teeth and then there'll be nothing. Because some demented scientist who's supposed to be a Paragon of knowledge. Assured that that science has discovered there is no future life. We now know that. Why who we discovered it? How, how do we discover it? Because we know that all those people who died, they went into nothing. They became nothing. Their mind was nothing. So with that means, think about it. You don't have to be a mega scientist to think about it. That means they found nothing and they reported back and they got tenure and billion dollar grants to figure out items. And they weren't a Nobel prizes for discovering nothing. Are you think those people are saying, they don't know what they're saying? Incoherent. They need a good course in philosophy, Speaker 2 00:27:48 Any kind of philosophy. It doesn't have to be. <inaudible> just logical thinking who, you know, they go, oh you future life people. You are so backward and old fashioned. Oh God. So that super stuff. Why do you think the earth is flat and, and okay. It's up to you to prove it. What's your proof. What's your evidence. They say like that. And then you go, oh, uh, oh, see, you want to go get a hypnosis progression and remember your own previous life. Oh, I don't believe it. That I don't need. I'm not going over there. They say, they'll say, well, how about that kid who remember that previous? Oh, they just wanted to get on Johnny Carson show. Oh they, they, they go like that. But then what? We never, we are so intimidated by them. We never asked them, oh, excuse me. What is your evidence? That there is no future life. Excuse me? What is it? Who was it? Who died or who? I still keeping their tenure and reported back at the faculty meeting, Hey guys, I don't exist. Don't be afraid of the future life. It's just a priestly invention to terrorize you and get donations on Sunday. Speaker 3 00:29:05 <laugh> Speaker 2 00:29:06 Whoever reported back that to you. What, what evidence do you have? And not only that, in what evidence will you ever have that? Nothing. Is there waiting for you or that nothing is actually here and you already nothing. Cause if you that's what they're telling you, don't you realize that they say you're addicted your brain, Ray, Kurtz. What? Oh, he's doing great. He's taking a lot of vitamins to wait till he can be a robot because he's just material Dan in it. Yeah. I figured it out. It's replicators. They're just all replicators. There's a great sci-fi thing about replicators. It's a bunch of replicators. Consciousness is replicators. So that means, they're saying we are not here. Now. Any of us, these guys will walk around. They go to their labs, they click their paycheck. They go home and they talk to their somebody. But actually they, none of them exist. They have no consciousness. They don't have a mind. They're in denial that they have a mind and they insist that you don't either. Speaker 2 00:30:13 Do you realize that that is, was that I'm I'm sorry. I know I'm I'm a little bit rubbing this in, but this, this is to give you more self confidence. Actually believe it or not, because we are brainwashed that there are some authorities who tell us what's real, who are clearly psychotic. They are living in reality. They are directing our society. They're giving orders. We pay taxes. They can blow us up. Anytime they're polluting our planet. They're destroying other people. They're imprisoning millions of people and we follow them. Cuz we think that they may less. They must know they have more information than I do. And we have no self confidence to resist them. Actually. They're nuts. That is a fact. You feel you here, you exist. That's correct. You are. We're all here. We all have minds. That mind is not just the brain. Speaker 2 00:31:20 The brain doesn't actually do good job for the mine. Not only when later when we get Alzheimer's or eating too much ice cream, but, and bringing that Roten dairy. It's all filled with hormones and new crap that they sell to us, that they should be arrested for producing. And they, they capture the regulatory agencies and they produce this poison that they feed us. Then they, oh, but give us researcher we'll cure you. You, oh, we have cancer. And oh, but we've been feeding you this deadly poisons 80,000 poisons that we haven't read. I just read on the internet today. They're making a bill, chemical regulatory built of the 80,000 unexamined tech chemicals that are circulating around in our bodies already. Now they're going to investigate five a year. Speaker 3 00:32:09 <laugh> Speaker 2 00:32:15 Are you hold your breath a, how about that? Don't these people, all of them should be impeached. You cheer people do, they should be impeached, but you know, it's not, but not violently, but mentally you should, we should all see through this. And, and when you see through this nonsense and next time you're in the dentist's office and they tell you, oh yeah, I'm putting zirconium in there. I'm not putting other weird stuff. And then you, this thing is in there that goes like Z and all your nerves go, then you don't believe them. I'm I'm sorry. Speaker 2 00:32:56 So, so, so here's the thing. So Buddhas news is this reality is the, he said profound, deep, peaceful, and luminous. And this luminosity is this infinite bed of energy of what is beneath what seems to be nothingness, which is infinite, abundant, clear, light energy, the diamond, the vodka energy, the diamond energy that puta discovered the bliss energy. And that energy is only knowable by being it. We have a concept for it. And the concept is imperfectly clear, light the way it isn't light because everything is made of it. So no one thing is shining on another thing, you know, light has that projected shadow, right? Light has opposite dark, you know? Yeah. And yang. And, but ClearLight is both in and yang. It's beyond the duality of Y and yang. And that's what everything is made of. It's an infinite abundant thing. So if when you completely pass out, when you completely let go with total faith and trust, then you, you are that you, you feel you are that and you are right. Speaker 2 00:34:17 That's why some of the times those people, when they, with them, when they die, after all they're struggling and they smile feel at peace, but it isn't. But that's just a trace on the machine that they were inhabiting. The biological machine, that the soul was inhabiting, the subtle embodiment, the subtle mind, the subtle, the subtle continuum. And it just leaves that mark on the, on the body that's left. Cause they're no longer that body, they're no longer constrained by that body. You know, you've all read near death experiences. I know you have in this group, you read the NDE literature, the near death experience literature. Some of you might have read EEB and Alexander, the arch trader neuroscientist, who exists that the mind can exist beyond the brain and you can prove it. And they hate him. He's like they burn him at the stake. Speaker 2 00:35:09 Along with me in the, in the central quad MIT, where if be burned at the stake, you all invited <laugh> no. Cause they are a big orthodoxy. They control all the resources because people think they know something. They convince them that they do. They have a brotherhood guilt. And they're just as primitive as any inquisition ever was. They go around, nobody could have tenure. If they think they start in 1830s in Germany, Juan Hellmont, anybody who followed Gerta and said it was a vital principle that science had to pursue. Couldn't get tenure in a German university since 1837, they had to take the Antivial oath. You don't know that, but that's a fact. And it's the same here today. CYOP it's called. They will go and hunt you at your tenure review of you're a scientist in case they figure you log too many hours at a Dharma center and meditate. Speaker 2 00:36:08 You might be going soft ahead of time. They don't mind if the old guys up to the Nobel prize to go soft and talk about spirituality. That's kind of thing. I think that's cute. <laugh> that? They're not getting any money anymore anyway, but the people, the money, they have to be materialist. It's an inquisition. It is totally non-duality. I'm trying to give you this self conference because nonduality is a very powerful idea. And it's something that you can get at as an idea. And you can open your mind toward it and it will give you tremendous, be like a bomb to your mind. They said, <affirmative> they say that MDs avoidance is a, which is like clear. I say, say clear, I avoid ENCE is like a bomb. You know, like tighter bomb. It's like a bomb to the pains of the mind, you know? Speaker 2 00:37:07 But then you shouldn't make a, you shouldn't confuse it with nothing else because it's this, everythingness this clear light, infinite energy of the infinite connectedness of all things, relativity actually. And it's a scientific discovery. It's a physics discovery and your own mind is, can be a physicist then. And you'vere stop being frightened of these people who frighten you by making you think that all you are is your physical body and they're in control of the circumstances surrounding and inside your physical body. And they're trying to, to they're in control. Even your sense of consciousness is just some chemical in your brain, which they are gonna sell you the better ones. <laugh> if you have more confidence, you will decide I will fix my brain, fit my mind because my brain is the tool of my mind. And I have a mind and I'm not gonna listen to people who tell me that none, that, that they don't have a mind. If they don't have a mind, they're nuts and I'm not gonna listen to them. Speaker 2 00:38:17 All right. So, so this is just brings us to the non-duality. That means he said clear, like then he said, Tel non proliferating and do much is most important uncreate. So that means that reality is uncreate. God Deni created it. You know, Aristotle didn't create UN uncalled, cause didn't created created things or destroyed later, you know, they're made of causes and then they destroyed. So that's all part of relative losery process. Not totally unreal, but only relatively real. Not really absolutely real cause they're rise and full they're permanent they're hollow. They dissolve under analysis, but the uncreate is reality. That is always there. It's always been there. So this is the news of the night. You're already in Nirvana right now. And you've always been in Nirvana and you never left Nirvana and you actually can't leave Niana but you can carry on failing to your father for a long time.